Choking On Salvation

Info
Pre-Release Version
Some tracks on this album may slightly alter from the final version. This may include cutting some duplicate verses or bridges to shorter intros and outros.

Release Date: January 3, 2025
Label: Sanitaria Sounds

All songs written by Shawn SychoSide

"Choking On Salvation" features previously released instrumental tracks from previous albums reworked and/or re-arranged with lyrics.

All vocals by uncredited studio vocalists except tracks 2 and 10; music and lyrics recorded by Emptiness In Everything and 4tun8, respectfully.

Emptiness In Everything appears courtesy of Unbreakable Recordings
4tun8 appears courtesy of Purple Rose Records

© 2024 SychoSide Music. All rights reserved.
Lyrics
DON'T TELL ME

__________
Re-arranged and adapted from the previously unreleased track "Don't Tell Me"
__________
Don't tell me how I should be feeling
I’ve carried these storms alone before,
when the night was cold, and voices silent,
and not one soul could see what was breaking.

Don’t tell me who I’m meant to be,
I’ve worn a thousand faces, tried on masks,
but I found myself in shattered mirrors,
in broken words I could barely say.

I don’t need saving, don’t try to change me.
I’m standing here for myself this time.
This path is rough, it twists and bends,
but it’s mine, and that’s enough.
Don’t tell me what to let go of,
what hurts and heals is my choice to know.

Don't tell me what I should remember,
I’ve carved these moments deep inside,
both the light and the shadows,
they’re woven in the story of me.

Don’t tell me what I’m losing here,
every scar and every stumble taught me.
Each bruise became a piece of armor,
a shield I built, my own kind of strength.

You see a flame and call it fragile,
but don’t you dare think I can’t burn bright.
I’ve faced my darkness, I’ve known its weight,
I can stand in it without fear.

I don’t need saving, don’t try to change me.
I’m standing here for myself this time.
This path is rough, it twists and bends,
but it’s mine, and that’s enough.
Don’t tell me what to let go of,
what hurts and heals is my choice to know.

You see a flame and call it fragile,
but don’t you dare think I can’t burn bright.
I’ve faced my darkness, I’ve known its weight,
I can stand in it without fear.

I don’t need saving, don’t try to change me.
I’m standing here for myself this time.
This path is rough, it twists and bends,
but it’s mine, and that’s enough.
Don’t tell me what to let go of,
what hurts and heals is my choice to know.

CONSTANT CALAMITY

feat. Emptiness In Everything
__________
Re-arranged and adapted from "Constant Calamity" from the "Demons Within" album.
__________
Like a storm that's born in fire, tearing through the night,
I’ve been lost inside this whirlwind, nowhere to take flight.
Raging thunder in my veins, I can't find the calm,
Living in this constant madness, breaking every bond.

Every scream’s a symphony, I’m deafened by the sound,
There's no escape from chaos, no way to slow it down.
I wear the scars of battles I was never meant to win,
In this endless war inside me, I won’t be whole again.

Constant calamity!
Chaos devours me!
In this hell, I stand alone,
Flesh and bone against the unknown!

I'm a shattered piece of a violent art,
Falling apart at every start.
Drenched in the flood of my misery,
I’m the king of this constant fucking calamity!

Like a beast that feasts on silence, I tear at every thread,
Dragging shadows through the daylight, feeding on the dread.
No horizon left to guide me, just destruction in my wake,
Living through this endless nightmare, everything’s at stake.

Every wall I built is crumbling, stone to dust it falls,
This chaos pulls me deeper into its twisted thralls.
No salvation left to find me, I walk the line alone,
And in this constant storm of fire, I'll claim my broken throne.

I'm a shattered piece of a violent art,
Falling apart at every start.
Drenched in the flood of my misery,
I’m the king of this constant fucking calamity!

From the ashes of this madness, I will rise in pain,
Baptized in the fire, I’ll embrace the flame.
No peace, no solace, just the war within,
I'll reign in this calamity, forever drenched in sin.

And in this constant storm of fire, I'll claim my broken throne.

I'm a shattered piece of a violent art,
Falling apart at every start.
Drenched in the flood of my misery,
I’m the king of this constant fucking calamity!

From the ashes of this madness, I will rise in pain,
Baptized in the fire, I’ll embrace the flame.
No peace, no solace, just the war within,
I'll reign in this calamity, forever drenched in sin.

I'm a shattered piece of a violent art,
Falling apart at every start.
Drenched in the flood of my misery,
I’m the king of this constant fucking calamity!

Chaos lives within my veins, a never-ending flood,
In this constant calamity, I’ll drown in my own blood!


RECOIL (COMING BACK FOR MOTE)
__________
Re-arranged and adapted from "Recoil" from the "FIVExFIVE" extended play.
__________
The tension's building, can't escape the sound
Every move I make, it pulls me underground
The lights are flashing, but I can't break free
Chasing shadows, but they're closing in on me

Heartbeat racing, I'm losing control
Can't stop the surge, it's taking its toll
I feel the weight of everything I tried to avoid
But I’m coming back now, ready to deploy

Recoil, I'm snapping back in place
Like a bullet through the void, I’m picking up the pace
Recoil, I won't be pushed away
I'm rising from the fall, ready for the fray

Recoil, recoil, I can't be stopped
Recoil, recoil, I rise to the top
Feel the shockwave, it’s shaking the floor
Recoil, recoil, coming back for more

The pressure’s rising, but I know I’ll fight
Like a wildfire, burning through the night
The energy within, it’s pulling me ahead
I’m breaking out, no longer feeling dead

Heartbeat racing, I’m back on track
No more retreat, there's no turning back
I feel the rise, like lightning in my veins
Recoil’s the power, breaking all these chains

Recoil, I'm snapping back in place
Like a bullet through the void, I’m picking up the pace
Recoil, I won't be pushed away
I'm rising from the fall, ready for the fray

Recoil, recoil, I can't be stopped
Recoil, recoil, I rise to the top
Feel the shockwave, it’s shaking the floor
Recoil, recoil, coming back for more

Every shot I take, I feel it ignite
Every hit I take, it fuels my fight
I won't be silenced, I won't be torn
In this recoil, a new me is reborn

Recoil, I'm snapping back in place
Like a bullet through the void, I’m picking up the pace
Recoil, I won't be pushed away
I'm rising from the fall, ready for the fray

Recoil, recoil, I can't be stopped
Recoil, recoil, I rise to the top
Feel the shockwave, it’s shaking the floor
Recoil, recoil, coming back for more

Recoil, recoil, I can't be stopped
Recoil, recoil, I rise to the top
Feel the shockwave, it’s shaking the floor
Recoil, recoil, coming back for more


THE UNATTAINABLE DREAM
__________
Re-arranged and adapted from "The Unattainable Dream" from the "FIVExFIVE" extended play.
__________
Like a flame I can't touch but still I burn
Every glance from you is a lesson I won’t learn
I feel you there, just out of my hands
But your heart’s a place I’ll never land

I’m trapped in a moment that never moves
Trying to get closer, but I always lose
Your voice echoes like a song in my head
But your love’s a door that’s locked instead

I keep reaching for you, but you're never close enough
Climbing through walls made of promises and dust
Your smile’s the light that I can’t ever see
Always out of reach, the unattainable dream

I dream of a place where you’ll let me in
But in your world, I can’t begin
I long for your touch, but I stand alone
A prisoner of love that’s never shown

I fight through the silence, hoping you’ll hear
But you’re far away, though you’re standing near
I tell myself one day you’ll feel the same
But my heart’s playing a losing game

I keep reaching for you, but you're never close enough
Climbing through walls made of promises and dust
Your smile’s the light that I can’t ever see
Always out of reach, the unattainable dream

Maybe it’s a love I’ll never claim
A fire that’s burning without a flame
But I can’t stop, I’ll always try
Even when the hope begins to die

I keep reaching for you, but you're never close enough
Climbing through walls made of promises and dust
Your smile’s the light that I can’t ever see
Always out of reach, the unattainable dream

I reach for your heart, but it slips through my hands
Forever a dream that I can’t understand

I keep reaching for you, but you're never close enough
Climbing through walls made of promises and dust
Your smile’s the light that I can’t ever see
Always out of reach, the unattainable dream


YOUR HEAVEN IS MY HELL
__________
Re-arranged and adapted from the previously unreleased track "Your Heaven Is My Hell"
__________
You wrapped yourself in this holy silence
Thinking peace can bury the scars
But every breath here feels like a chokehold
Every quiet corner, a knife to my skin
While you sleep easy, I’m suffocating
Your perfect walls are my bitter chains
I’m gasping in the shadow of your heaven

Your heaven is my hell
A gilded cage lined with broken glass
You cling to the light, but it burns me alive
Every breath in here is poison
What you call salvation feels like a death sentence
Your peace drowns me, fills my lungs with fire
Your heaven chews me up and spits me out

You walk on clouds, I’m crawling on shattered bones
Every smile you wear cuts into my skin
This “paradise” you’ve built is a grave I can’t escape
And every prayer you offer tastes like ash
You’re blind to the wreckage underfoot
Blind to the blood that stains these walls
Your heaven is my goddamn nightmare

Your heaven is my hell
Each whispered prayer a nail in my coffin
The peace that cradles you gnashes at my bones
I’m choking on every word you cherish
In the light you worship, I feel the flames
Every calm you crave is my undoing
Your heaven rips me down to nothing

You call this holy, but I call it a curse
Trapped in your blind devotion, I rot away
You say I’ll find peace, but it’s killing me slow
A death wrapped in the silence you hold so dear
Your heaven’s light is blinding and brutal
It sears through every defense I have left
And I’m shattered beneath it, forgotten and alone

Your heaven is my hell
A noose disguised as a lifeline
What saves you drags me down
I’m bleeding out under this weight you call holy
Your paradise is my prison
The grace you hold close is the venom in my veins
In your heaven, I’m stripped bare, raw and broken

Your heaven is my hell
And there’s no way out from here
Your heaven is my hell
And there’s no way out from here


COSMIC WONDER
__________
Re-arranged and adapted from "Kaleidoscope" from the "FIVExFIVE" extended play.
__________
Stars are dancing in the lunar light
Galaxies spin in a sparkling night
Meteor showers paint the sky so high
Cosmic wonders make me feel I can fly

Planet to planet in a cosmic trance
Orbiting Saturn like it's a midnight dance
Comets are blazing colors in the dark
Universal symphony ignites the spark

Shine bright oh cosmic wonder
Feel the groove let's dance in thunder
Orbit stars in cosmic blunder
Interstellar love pulls us under

Intergalactic vibes take hold of me
Floating through the void I'm wild and free
Supernova dreams light up my mind
In this cosmic love we've intertwined

Parallel worlds where our love flows
Mystic energy as Earth glows
We defy the gravity below
Come on baby let your love show

Shine bright oh cosmic wonder
Feel the groove let's dance in thunder
Orbit stars in cosmic blunder
Interstellar love pulls us under

Shine bright oh cosmic wonder
Feel the groove let's dance in thunder
Orbit stars in cosmic blunder
Interstellar love pulls us under


LEAVE NO TRACE
__________
Re-arranged and adapted from "Defined Inclination" from the "Demons Within" album.
__________
Grit my teeth and push right through
No one tells me what to do
On my path I'm here to stay
Knock me down I'll walk away

Get the job done leave no trace
Nothing's gonna slow my pace
In the end it's my own way
Unstoppable every day

Obstacles will scream and shout
I'm the one they talk about
Eyes locked on my finish line
Won't back down this dream is mine

Get the job done leave no trace
Nothing's gonna slow my pace
In the end it's my own way
Unstoppable every day

Whispers try to shake my core
Doubt will haunt but I want more
Build my armor stronger still
Just one shot to climb this hill

Shadows fade when I arrive
Got the spark to stay alive
Rising like a hurricane
Breaking chains won't feel the pain

Get the job done leave no trace
Nothing's gonna slow my pace
In the end it's my own way
Unstoppable every day

Whispers try to shake my core
Doubt will haunt but I want more
Build my armor stronger still
Just one shot to climb this hill

Whispers try to shake my core
Doubt will haunt but I want more
Build my armor stronger still
Just one shot to climb this hill


IN THE SANITARIUM
__________
Re-arranged and adapted from "Sanitarium After Dark" from the "Not What You Expected" album.
__________
Flickering lights burn shadows in my eyes
Whispers crawling, echoing from blackened skies
Rusty chains and broken minds collide
Sanity’s a ghost, nowhere left to hide

Creaking doors scream like tortured souls
Walls breathe secrets, leaving nothing whole
Trapped in a tomb where time’s forever still
The night devours, bending to its will

In the Sanitarium, after dark we’re torn apart
Madness spreads like fire through the heart
I’m a prisoner, caught in this endless night
In the Sanitarium, sanity dies without a fight

Twisted faces stare from shattered glass
Voices taunting, a future I can't grasp
The air is thick with the stench of decay
There’s no escape, no chance to break away

I claw at the walls, but they bleed me dry
A cage of torment, under a crimson sky
Lost in the maze of my own despair
Trapped in the dark, no savior anywhere

In the Sanitarium, after dark we’re torn apart
Madness spreads like fire through the heart
I’m a prisoner, caught in this endless night
In the Sanitarium, sanity dies without a fight

Spiral down, into the void I descend
No beginning here, no fucking end
Demons dance in the corners of my mind
Their claws sink deep, no salvation to find

In the Sanitarium, after dark we’re torn apart
Madness spreads like fire through the heart
I’m a prisoner, caught in this endless night
In the Sanitarium, sanity dies without a fight

The moon weeps blood as the clock strikes doom
I’m forever trapped inside this haunted room
No more screams, just the silence of the damned
In the Sanitarium, I fall by my own hand.


BLUNT FORCE TRAUMA
__________
Re-arranged and adapted from "Blunt Force Trauma" from the "Not What You Expected" album.
__________


Smash through the front, fists full of rage
Blunt force trauma, I’m breakin' the cage
Blood on the knuckles, adrenaline's spiked
I’m a goddamn beast, every punch lands right

No finesse, I’m reckless, wreckin' your crew
Rip through your chest, leave your heart in two
I ain’t got time for a motherfuckin' plea
Hit ‘em so hard, they forget how to breathe

I’m on a mission, fuck peace, it’s war
Every punch harder, 'til you’re laid on the floor
Step to me, you'll get buried alive
Blunt force trauma, feel the pain as I thrive

Blunt force trauma, crushin’ bones with a smile
Feel your world crackin', no escape from the pile
Skulls get split, blood drips down the street
I’m a goddamn monster, can't face defeat

Blunt force trauma, your world’s gone dark
I'm the bullet in the chamber, ready to spark
You want war? Then bring it, I’m cravin' the fight
Blunt force trauma, fuck around, lose your life!

I’m a sledgehammer swingin' through glass and stone
Blunt force trauma, rip you down to the bone
You wanna throw hands? I’ll tear you apart
Broke your whole crew just for a fuckin' start

I don’t need weapons, my fists are the tools
Blunt force trauma, I’m breakin' the rules
Rip through your chest like I’m tearin’ a page
I’m the villain you fear, unleashed from the cage

Bodies hit the ground like it’s World War Three
Every step I take, you’ll feel it, believe me
Turn your world into chaos, leave it in flames
Blunt force trauma, I ain’t here for no games

Blunt force trauma, crushin’ bones with a smile
Feel your world crackin', no escape from the pile
Skulls get split, blood drips down the street
I’m a goddamn monster, can't face defeat

Blunt force trauma, your world’s gone dark
I'm the bullet in the chamber, ready to spark
You want war? Then bring it, I’m cravin' the fight
Blunt force trauma, fuck around, lose your life!

Pain’s what I deliver, no peace, just fire
Blunt force trauma, I’m your one desire
Hit after hit ‘til your body goes numb
I feast on the violence, you choke on the drum

My fists are the storm, I rain down hate
Blunt force trauma, I control your fate
Crush every bone, leave your soul in the dust
You came for the fight, now you’re chokin' on rust

Blunt force trauma, crushin’ bones with a smile
Feel your world crackin', no escape from the pile
Skulls get split, blood drips down the street
I’m a goddamn monster, can't face defeat

Blunt force trauma, your world’s gone dark
I'm the bullet in the chamber, ready to spark
You want war? Then bring it, I’m cravin' the fight
Blunt force trauma, fuck around, lose your life!

Yeah, blunt force trauma, blood in my veins
I feed on the chaos, I live for the pain!
SychoSide’s reign, no escape from this war
Blunt force trauma, leave ‘em dead on the floor!


CIGARETTES OR DIABETES
feat. 4tun8
__________
Original track composed for this album. The title and line comes from an online lyric transcription mishearing a line from the "Constant Calamity" lyrics.
__________
You’re slipping through the cracks again
One foot closer to the edge
The nights you numb, the days you fade
Trying to fix what you never said

You pretend you're in control
But this game has taken its toll

You won’t buy cigarettes or diabetes
But there’s no cure for what's inside of me
You fight the pain, but it never leaves
You won’t buy cigarettes or diabetes

I see the fear behind your eyes
Each breath’s a battle you can’t disguise
You turn away from every hand
But you’re sinking deeper in the sand

The truth you bury in your chest
It's a weight that steals your rest

You won’t buy cigarettes or diabetes
But there’s no cure for what's inside of me
You fight the pain, but it never leaves
You won’t buy cigarettes or diabetes

You’re counting the days like they’re borrowed time
Walking a line that’s far too fine
Every choice, a step too far
But the scars don’t show who you really are

You won’t buy cigarettes or diabetes
But there’s no cure for what's inside of me
You fight the pain, but it never leaves
You won’t buy cigarettes or diabetes

You won’t buy cigarettes or diabetes
But there’s no cure for what's inside of me
You fight the pain, but it never leaves
You won’t buy cigarettes or diabetes

You won’t buy
But still, you’re losing piece by piece

You won’t buy cigarettes or diabetes
But there’s no cure for what's inside of me
You fight the pain, but it never leaves
You won’t buy cigarettes or diabetes

You won’t buy
But still, you’re losing piece by piece
You won’t buy cigarettes or diabetes

BETTER THIS WAY
__________
Re-arranged and adapted from "Demons" from the "Demons Within" album.
__________
The sad part of it all is that you had more friends when you were the worst version of you
They hovered around when you were barely holding on, like vultures drawn to the broken
But the second you started to heal, they faded, as if your light blinded them instead of guiding them
You thought they were lifelines, but they were only there to feel better about their own emptiness

You liked me broken, but I’m better this way
I needed saving, but now I’m okay
You vanished when I found my strength
Turns out, I never needed you anyway

You remember when they’d call you every day, checking in like they cared, but now it’s silent
Maybe they liked the version of you who was easier to control, easier to relate to in your suffering
The irony of it all is that they didn’t stick around to see you rise, didn’t celebrate your survival
They needed your chaos to feel whole, and when it was gone, so were they

You liked me broken, but I’m better this way
I needed saving, but now I’m okay
You vanished when I found my strength
Turns out, I never needed you anyway

It’s strange how love feels conditional, tied to how much of yourself you give away
You gave them everything, your pain, your doubts, your fears, and they drank it all in
But when you stopped bleeding, when you learned to hold your own, they found no reason to stay
Maybe they were never friends at all, just passengers waiting for the next crash

You liked me broken, but I’m better this way
I needed saving, but now I’m okay
You vanished when I found my strength
Turns out, I never needed you anyway

You thought healing would bring more connection, more understanding, but it brought distance
They preferred the version of you that cried at midnight, not the one who wakes up with purpose
And now you wonder if the loneliness you feel is worse than the emptiness they brought
But at least this solitude is yours, not something they borrowed for their own comfort

You liked me broken, but I’m better this way
I needed saving, but now I’m okay
You vanished when I found my strength
Turns out, I never needed you anyway

The hardest part is realizing you don’t miss them, just the idea of what they could’ve been
And maybe it’s better this way, to stand alone with your truth, unbent by their expectations
There’s power in knowing you survived them, not just the pain they clung to
And now, you can finally breathe without wondering who’s waiting for you to fall again


THE PEOPLE WHO GHOSTED YOU
__________
Re-arranged and adapted from "If Your Life Was Epic, It Would Have More Soul Than the People That Ghosted You" from the "Demons Within" album.
__________
You waited for answers, but their silence took hold
Watching them slip from your view
They vanished like smoke, leaving you lost and cold
Leaving only shadows of memories you thought you knew

If your life was epic, it would have more soul
Than the people who ghosted you
Their silence tried to take control
But you're stronger than they ever knew

You opened your heart, but they turned to dust
Gone without saying goodbye
You gave them your trust, but they gave you none
Left you questioning the reasons why

If your life was epic, it would have more soul
Than the people who ghosted you
Their silence tried to take control
But you're stronger than they ever knew

Each time they vanish, you rise again
Stronger with every fall
Their absence won’t break you, you won’t let it win
You’ve learned to stand tall through it all

If your life was epic, it would have more soul
Than the people who ghosted you
Their silence tried to take control
But you're stronger than they ever knew

Ghosts may fade, but your spirit remains
You’re writing your own song
The echoes of silence won't drive you insane
You've been strong all along

If your life was epic, it would have more soul
Than the people who ghosted you
Their silence tried to take control
But you're stronger than they ever knew

Their silence fades, while you stand in the light
Your heart breaking through
You’ve found your way, shining so bright
And now those ghosts are through


WHAT IT FEELS LIKE
__________
Re-arranged and adapted from "Unexpected Introduction" from the "Not What You Expected" album.
__________
Now you know what
What it feels like
To feel forgotten

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